Some time ago, when my life was even busier than it is today (really?)...I began to practice just doing what was in front of me for the moment. I had grown weary of worrying about tomorrow, because I figured out that what Jesus said was wise...I can't add one day to my life by worrying. What He didn't say was that I can shorten my life by worrying.
I've tried to practice not dealing too much with the next thing. Sometimes, to be honest, it has cost me some money, especially when caring for my husband. But my mind is clearer, more at peace, when I am not fretting.
I still do plan ahead if I'm going to travel by airplane. I'm always looking to get the best deal, with the connections and seats that I want. But there are other areas of my life where I try to go with the flow.
Employment is one. I have sometimes simply been at the right place at the right time, or known the right people. And although I have to interview, fill out paperwork, and all the rest, I haven't had to search long or hard for work. I am thankful for that. No, I am not and never will be, independently wealthy. I will probably always have to work, but more and more I feel like I get to work, because I like what I do.
And I'm thankful I can do what I feel called and gifted to do. I will not be working at a daycare, nor will I be doing programs at Parks and Recreation. I will leave that to younger people!
So, how do you get balance in your life--living one day at a time, while being aware of the future?
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
A Faithful God
I was troubled this morning when I awoke. Many things were on my mind, and so I did what I do: I started journaling. Most of my journal entries include things about the day or days before: things I wish I had not said...things that annoyed me...things I found delightful. When I have (excuse the graphic language) thrown up on the paper, I often write specifically to God. Today I wrote: "So Jesus, what do You want to tell me today?"
I opened the Bible to the place I was reading in the Gospel of John, and in 3 verses, God answered my question very clearly. I laughed out loud; what joy I felt to know that He knows me and wants to communicate with me this way!
You may think that's coincidence; you may not believe anything the Bible says; you might think I'm nuts. That's okay. I know He loves me and keeps wanting me to understand my life and what it means.
I opened the Bible to the place I was reading in the Gospel of John, and in 3 verses, God answered my question very clearly. I laughed out loud; what joy I felt to know that He knows me and wants to communicate with me this way!
You may think that's coincidence; you may not believe anything the Bible says; you might think I'm nuts. That's okay. I know He loves me and keeps wanting me to understand my life and what it means.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Care About the Important Stuff
Years ago I would begin preparing for my parents' visits almost a month ahead of time. I would clean the oven and refrigerator. I would seek and destroy cobwebs. At other times I cleaned, but not like I did when my mother was coming. Somehow I felt like I would be judged if something was out of place, dusty, or unkempt.
As my mother grew older, she couldn't keep up with the cleaning. I visited once and was astonished to find dust on the furniture. It was only then that I realized a clean house wasn't the most important thing; relationships and spending time with people you care about was number one.
So I'm up at 4:30 this morning, changing sheets for company coming, doing a load of towels, finishing the cleaning jobs I've been working on. I might not get them all done with the other responsibilities I have, but I'll give it a shot.
I won't sweat what doesn't get done though, because I will be spending time with my beautiful daughter and her husband, and my amazing grandsons, Ryan, Niko, and Chase. They are stopping here on their way out of the country, and it will be awhile before I see them in person again. Gotta make these moments count!
It reminds me of the story found in Luke where Jesus and the disciples stop at their friends' home in Bethany, outside of Jerusalem. Martha, Lazarus, and Mary have hosted Jesus and his friends many times. Culture dictated certain amenities for guests, and Martha got busy providing. As she worked in the kitchen, preparing a meal for approximately 20 people, she did her best.
As she cleaned and prepared the food, no doubt, she looked forward to listening to the stories Jesus would tell. But she was stuck and beginning to feel left out and used. Her sister, Mary, ignored all the work that needed to be done as a hostess...she didn't want to miss one word Jesus spoke, so she sat at his feet and listened intently.
My grandsons are 11, 8, and 4. I've always lived far from them, but kept up through SKYPE and visits. However, I've missed a lot. I know them, but I don't. So, cobwebs and dust might invade, but I won't miss the best parts: learning more and more about these boys, who they are becoming, and how they want to impact their world.
As my mother grew older, she couldn't keep up with the cleaning. I visited once and was astonished to find dust on the furniture. It was only then that I realized a clean house wasn't the most important thing; relationships and spending time with people you care about was number one.
So I'm up at 4:30 this morning, changing sheets for company coming, doing a load of towels, finishing the cleaning jobs I've been working on. I might not get them all done with the other responsibilities I have, but I'll give it a shot.
I won't sweat what doesn't get done though, because I will be spending time with my beautiful daughter and her husband, and my amazing grandsons, Ryan, Niko, and Chase. They are stopping here on their way out of the country, and it will be awhile before I see them in person again. Gotta make these moments count!
It reminds me of the story found in Luke where Jesus and the disciples stop at their friends' home in Bethany, outside of Jerusalem. Martha, Lazarus, and Mary have hosted Jesus and his friends many times. Culture dictated certain amenities for guests, and Martha got busy providing. As she worked in the kitchen, preparing a meal for approximately 20 people, she did her best.
As she cleaned and prepared the food, no doubt, she looked forward to listening to the stories Jesus would tell. But she was stuck and beginning to feel left out and used. Her sister, Mary, ignored all the work that needed to be done as a hostess...she didn't want to miss one word Jesus spoke, so she sat at his feet and listened intently.
My grandsons are 11, 8, and 4. I've always lived far from them, but kept up through SKYPE and visits. However, I've missed a lot. I know them, but I don't. So, cobwebs and dust might invade, but I won't miss the best parts: learning more and more about these boys, who they are becoming, and how they want to impact their world.
Friday, June 21, 2013
God is Good
Thinking about God's intervention in my life today since it's my birthday, and a good day for reflecting...that's what old people do, you know --- remember the past! Maybe it's because we kind of know what the future holds by this time.
I am thankful that I was born into a home where I was taught about the Scripture, taken to church, heard people pray. The proverb which says, "Train a child up in the way he/she should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it." That doesn't mean that what I was taught was perfect. Nor does it mean that I didn't depart for awhile. But God always placed people in my path who knew Him, guided my steps, provided counsel, prayer, and encouragement, and helped me return to Him. A few of them nudged me by their joyful, exciting spiritual journeys that made me desperate to know what they had.
I am thankful.
I am thankful for the craziness that came with marrying Marvin Helsel, Jr. 42 years ago next month. So many good times, including our children, Sharon Elizabeth Helsel Bernhardt, and Philip Samuel Helsel. I am thankful for Casey Bernhardt, Ryan, Niko, and Chase and for Carolyn Browning Helsel, Caleb and Evelyn. How wonderful to have a family who loves and cares about each other.
I am thankful for the friends I cherish from all over the world. What a rich blessing.
I am thankful for the many jobs I've had so far, and for the bosses, some of whom drove me nuts - but taught me a lot.
I am thankful for God's provisions in my life - financial when I was worried and fretting; emotional when I was devastated by others; physical when disease and danger camped on our doorstep.
So many adventures which God used to prune, test, and grow us. Good is good, so good to me.
I am thankful that I was born into a home where I was taught about the Scripture, taken to church, heard people pray. The proverb which says, "Train a child up in the way he/she should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it." That doesn't mean that what I was taught was perfect. Nor does it mean that I didn't depart for awhile. But God always placed people in my path who knew Him, guided my steps, provided counsel, prayer, and encouragement, and helped me return to Him. A few of them nudged me by their joyful, exciting spiritual journeys that made me desperate to know what they had.
I am thankful.
I am thankful for the craziness that came with marrying Marvin Helsel, Jr. 42 years ago next month. So many good times, including our children, Sharon Elizabeth Helsel Bernhardt, and Philip Samuel Helsel. I am thankful for Casey Bernhardt, Ryan, Niko, and Chase and for Carolyn Browning Helsel, Caleb and Evelyn. How wonderful to have a family who loves and cares about each other.
I am thankful for the friends I cherish from all over the world. What a rich blessing.
I am thankful for the many jobs I've had so far, and for the bosses, some of whom drove me nuts - but taught me a lot.
I am thankful for God's provisions in my life - financial when I was worried and fretting; emotional when I was devastated by others; physical when disease and danger camped on our doorstep.
So many adventures which God used to prune, test, and grow us. Good is good, so good to me.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Should Christians Grieve?
I've written before about my mother's death, and how I warned my father and brother that I was going to cry. I learned to grieve when she died, allowing myself a daily time to cry if I felt like it.
Many people in Christian circles talk about positive attitudes, always being "up" and never feeling our negative emotions...like it somehow makes us bad examples to be angry or sad, because Christians are supposed to be happy and positive all the time.
I understand the havoc a negative, critical demeanor creates in the heart if allowed to reside there and fester. Perhaps the reason we tend to become so negative is that we have allowed junk to accumulate inside, while pretending to be happy on the outside.
I wish we had a different expectation: that Christians would be REAL, experiencing joy and sorrow, dealing with anger and disappointment in a healthy way.
The scripture shows people being REAL. Even Jesus was frustrated with faithless people and angry at hypocrisy. He was sad when His friends were grieving, and as He watched entire religious institutions deny the power of God among them, He cried. He became upset. He was REAL.
Perhaps our reticence to be honest with our feelings has more to do with our fear of being "out of control" if we begin to feel. In truth, if we stuff our feelings, one day we will be out of control with them. They will only stay hidden so long, and when they come out, it's like a balloon exploding all over everyone.
I am in a quandary. As I deal with my spouse's Huntington's Disease, I feel the pressure to not feel my unpleasant feelings. I do rejoice much of the time, and will continue --- even in death. Because I know that there is no H.D. in Heaven.
But for now I go from day to day, constantly moving from joy to sadness and back again, as I watch the man I love and have loved (and sometimes not liked so much) deteriorate before my eyes.
I often need someone who will do what Paul wrote about when he said: "Grieve with those who grieve, and rejoice with those who rejoice." My children do that well, and allow me the privilege to real.
And God does too. I throw myself on the words of David in the Psalms. I find comfort in Jesus' compassionate preparation for His first followers: "In this world you will have trouble; but take heart. I have overcome the world."
The words of Paul in Thessalonians help me live in reality as well: "We do not grieve as people who have no hope." I count on that...and my grieving is hopeful of something better ahead!
Many people in Christian circles talk about positive attitudes, always being "up" and never feeling our negative emotions...like it somehow makes us bad examples to be angry or sad, because Christians are supposed to be happy and positive all the time.
I understand the havoc a negative, critical demeanor creates in the heart if allowed to reside there and fester. Perhaps the reason we tend to become so negative is that we have allowed junk to accumulate inside, while pretending to be happy on the outside.
I wish we had a different expectation: that Christians would be REAL, experiencing joy and sorrow, dealing with anger and disappointment in a healthy way.
The scripture shows people being REAL. Even Jesus was frustrated with faithless people and angry at hypocrisy. He was sad when His friends were grieving, and as He watched entire religious institutions deny the power of God among them, He cried. He became upset. He was REAL.
Perhaps our reticence to be honest with our feelings has more to do with our fear of being "out of control" if we begin to feel. In truth, if we stuff our feelings, one day we will be out of control with them. They will only stay hidden so long, and when they come out, it's like a balloon exploding all over everyone.
I am in a quandary. As I deal with my spouse's Huntington's Disease, I feel the pressure to not feel my unpleasant feelings. I do rejoice much of the time, and will continue --- even in death. Because I know that there is no H.D. in Heaven.
But for now I go from day to day, constantly moving from joy to sadness and back again, as I watch the man I love and have loved (and sometimes not liked so much) deteriorate before my eyes.
I often need someone who will do what Paul wrote about when he said: "Grieve with those who grieve, and rejoice with those who rejoice." My children do that well, and allow me the privilege to real.
And God does too. I throw myself on the words of David in the Psalms. I find comfort in Jesus' compassionate preparation for His first followers: "In this world you will have trouble; but take heart. I have overcome the world."
The words of Paul in Thessalonians help me live in reality as well: "We do not grieve as people who have no hope." I count on that...and my grieving is hopeful of something better ahead!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Misconceptions
I have not blogged for some time, but I'm nudged today to put down some of my recent thoughts.
I've been writing in journals for 34 years. What do you do with 34 years worth of journals? I've tried to read through them all before, but had to stop. Some things were too painful to relive. But in the past few years I've experienced more and deeper healing, so I'm trying it again. And I'm learning other things about myself.
I believed and lived a great many lies. Here are just a few:
It's hard to explain how exciting it is to get rid of the evidence of years of "stinking thinking." And how thankful...how deeply thankful I am for the freedom to finally know myself well enough to know truth from other peoples' ideas about me.
It's about time.
I've been writing in journals for 34 years. What do you do with 34 years worth of journals? I've tried to read through them all before, but had to stop. Some things were too painful to relive. But in the past few years I've experienced more and deeper healing, so I'm trying it again. And I'm learning other things about myself.
I believed and lived a great many lies. Here are just a few:
- to be a missionary, I must be perfect - this seemed to mean that I never missed a day of reading the Bible, praying, and writing. It seemed to mean that I was to be a super-mom, super-wife, super-friend, super-daughter-in-in-law, super-...well, you get the point.
- I was supposed to "forgive and forget" and take care of everyone else.
- I was never supposed to be upset, afraid, or sad.
It's hard to explain how exciting it is to get rid of the evidence of years of "stinking thinking." And how thankful...how deeply thankful I am for the freedom to finally know myself well enough to know truth from other peoples' ideas about me.
It's about time.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Intriguing
I never tire of reading stories about interactions of people with Jesus. I'm once more meditating on Luke. For a humorous story try Zechariah's disbelief --and how he was mute for 9 months while his wife was pregnant. Loved that one.
This week I read about Peter and Jesus...and I thought of three possible titles for this story: Talking Back to the Son of God; Awestruck by Fish; or Scared Spitless.
Jesus had already started to draw large crowds as He spoke. When people met Him, they went and told someone else about the experience. Early on, there were so many folks, it was hard to preach and teach to all of them at once...no sound system...no crowd control.
So Jesus asked Peter (Simon Peter was his whole name) to borrow a boat so he could get some space to be able to speak to them. When He was done teaching, Jesus told Peter - let's go out fishing.
Peter had been fishing all night, but the fish weren't biting, and he told Jesus as much. Perhaps Peter thought, "What does a carpenter know about professional fishing anyway?" Peter just stated a fact. Then I imagine Peter glancing up as he explained the depressing state of fishing that day. He saw the twinkle in Jesus' eyes, and the smile on His face, and Peter stammered, "But if you say so..."
When the Son of God says so...well, it's gonna' be good.
Peter and his brother hauled in so many fish, they had to call their partners to help them. And Peter is awestruck! Suddenly, he realizes what has happened. He's just seen a very strange miracle. It wasn't about healing someone who was blind or lame. It wasn't about touching a leper or a deaf child. Jesus could catch fish!
Peter is suddenly scared spitless and he turns to Jesus and says: Please go away - I'm too much of a sinner to be around YOU.
So, what's catching fish have to do with being a sinner? Wouldn't you imagine Peter inviting Jesus to fish with them EVERY DAY from now on? Instead, Peter is afraid of Jesus' power.
How many times do we flounder because we're afraid of a loving, powerful God, who wants to shower us with blessings, peace, joy, and fulfillment?
This week I read about Peter and Jesus...and I thought of three possible titles for this story: Talking Back to the Son of God; Awestruck by Fish; or Scared Spitless.
Jesus had already started to draw large crowds as He spoke. When people met Him, they went and told someone else about the experience. Early on, there were so many folks, it was hard to preach and teach to all of them at once...no sound system...no crowd control.
So Jesus asked Peter (Simon Peter was his whole name) to borrow a boat so he could get some space to be able to speak to them. When He was done teaching, Jesus told Peter - let's go out fishing.
Peter had been fishing all night, but the fish weren't biting, and he told Jesus as much. Perhaps Peter thought, "What does a carpenter know about professional fishing anyway?" Peter just stated a fact. Then I imagine Peter glancing up as he explained the depressing state of fishing that day. He saw the twinkle in Jesus' eyes, and the smile on His face, and Peter stammered, "But if you say so..."
When the Son of God says so...well, it's gonna' be good.
Peter and his brother hauled in so many fish, they had to call their partners to help them. And Peter is awestruck! Suddenly, he realizes what has happened. He's just seen a very strange miracle. It wasn't about healing someone who was blind or lame. It wasn't about touching a leper or a deaf child. Jesus could catch fish!
Peter is suddenly scared spitless and he turns to Jesus and says: Please go away - I'm too much of a sinner to be around YOU.
So, what's catching fish have to do with being a sinner? Wouldn't you imagine Peter inviting Jesus to fish with them EVERY DAY from now on? Instead, Peter is afraid of Jesus' power.
How many times do we flounder because we're afraid of a loving, powerful God, who wants to shower us with blessings, peace, joy, and fulfillment?
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