Words of Appreciation

    I've been going through some files and found one containing notes and letters from my children, Mother's Day cards and more. One note from Phil was printed in pencil and made me chuckle...he wasn't yet writing in cursive:
    "Dear Mom and Dad, I love you. I want to live for Jesus. I am going to be a pilot. You are a good cook. I can't hardly wait till we get our computer. Dad, thank you for reding (reading) my dinasor (dinosaur) book to me. Thank you for making my food.  Love, Philip"

    A large white envelope was at the back of the file. I knew immediately what it contained.
    In 1972 I worked at the Board of Church Extension for the Church of God in Anderson, Indiana. Someone came up with an idea to increase morale among employees. Our families were asked to secretly write to folks who might want to send a letter or card detailing our influence in their lives. As I read through every one of those notes today, I wept again!
    A letter from my mother, deceased in 2006 and one from my father, who will be 95 this year...letters from people in India, Japan, Thailand, California, Indiana, and more continue to bless me.
    I don't know if any other employees kept their envelopes, but I hope so. Words of appreciation given so long ago still stir my heart.

These Days

    When dealing with a degenerative disease like Huntington's, there are days and then there are days! It's been tough recently as Marvin is struggling with some issues. I may tend to get a bit emotional in these times. I try to keep that at home, and most of the time, I am successful.
    Today was a pool day, but I didn't want to fall apart in the water! (I'm just imagining myself truly coming apart in the water!)
    Yesterday there were some good, funny things:
    When I woke up Tuesday, my mind had been working on Marvin's struggles. I had some ideas. I was focused on those thoughts as I talked with the nurse and the aide. I fed Marvin, and we left the dining room with his unfinished cup of water and plastic spoon. My plan was to finish feeding him the water, but he was full.
     I signed out at the front desk, walked to my car, and got in and suddenly realized I had the plastic water glass in my hand, spoon and all. I just put it in the cup holder and went home.
     When I came back to help at 4:30 I walked in with the water glass...I didn't take home the things I needed to, but certainly got that water! The nurse and aides laughed.
     Although he wasn't feeling well, Marvin enjoyed hearing a couple funny stories from his past, and laughed (noiselessly). It just blesses my heart when he laughs with his eyes and smile.
     Grief can be a long, long process with an incurable disease. I am thankful for the ability to feel my feelings, process, take a break, and then return to my post. God is faithful.

Everyday Adventures

   This week's adventures with commentary:
-- Trip to Costco to get my new card yesterday. As I stood at the counter, I noticed the shopping carts against the wall, loaded and overflowing with returned items. Here it is mid-January, and I was surprised at the quantity of merchandise. I said to the employee, "Wow, that's a lot of work for someone to put all that stuff back." She replied, "Yeah, I'm glad it's not MY job."
    Obligations to purchase Christmas gifts are huge, but I suppose we could look at the economics of it: keeps people working. I wonder what these gifts say about the relationships of the people giving, receiving and returning them!
-- Early morning sadness today. I awoke thinking about some people. I went to the computer and Googled one of them. My throat clinched when I read headlines from a few months ago about the death of a young man by his own hand. Yes, he was troubled, and yes, many were trying hard to help him. It left an ache in my heart.
-- A fasting blood-draw appointment at the clinic this morning. A beautiful 2 year-old with her mommy and "grammie" were checking in. The toddler was obviously not feeling well. As I stood in line behind them, she turned and looked at me and smiled, lifted her hand to wave, and said, "My name is ____." I smiled and felt a JOY infusion!
   Isn't life like this?  Moments of sorrow, disappointment, pain, and then a demanding sunrise spreading across the sky, a delightful wave from a child. And all the while, our Father is saying, "I'm with you in this...filter everything through my love and concern for you and this world." 
   Happy Friday, the 13th.

   

A poem for 2017 penned in Malaysia

I recently spent time in Malaysia with my daughter and son-in-law and three grandsons. I penned this poem one morning as I sat and watched storm clouds gather and roll over the island mountains.

The gathering gray

   blowing in

   blanketing hills

   bringing rain

creeps across the landscape.

Wind whips and writhes,

   swishing, pouring water

   on roofs and windowpanes.

Puddles spring up

Rivers flow from concrete.

Thirsty palms, banana plants, bushes and flowers

   rustle and sway,

   imploring the rain:

   "Fall here; fall here."

Moving like the storm, constantly moving,

nothing stops people, commerce, traffic.

Rain coats on motorcycles,

Umbrellas at bus stops.

Like the earth, people are anxious for rain to fall,

   to clear the air

   to open space

   to freshen their steps

   to wash away sadness

   to heal their earth,

   "Fall here; fall here."

Twisted

    "You look tired," I said to a new acquaintance.
    "Oh, I am exhausted. I cannot sleep for thinking about everything that's going on."
    She began to pour out her story of moving her father and step-mother to different care facilities, trying to be present for her father in his depression, and getting ready for Christmas.
    "So, what are you doing for Christmas?" was my next logical question.
    "I'm cooking for 25 guests, will come get my dad and go get my step-mom... well, you can see. It's going to be a zoo."
    "Are your siblings helping?" She has several. "One of them volunteered to bring the rolls," she replied, shaking her head. I didn't even ask her about her Christmas shopping.
    I wonder if this is representative of many people at Christmas. A time we tout as JOYFUL has become a terrible chore for so many. Shopping,  decorating, baking, wrapping, hosting, cleaning...for a few hours of togetherness that might or might not meet expectations.
    I have spent more than one Christmas away from family. Some of those years were better than others.
    As I thought about it last week, I realized what a quiet, peaceful Christmas this is going to be for me. I have bought only a few small gifts, and did not even send out all my Christmas letters. But I want to simply spend an extended time with the Story and the Prince of Peace on the day we celebrate His birth.
    Well, I might make some commemorative cinnamon rolls. (Sharon and Phil know what those are.)

Helsel Law

    Some of you have heard of the above law, but many have forgotten. Here's how it came about.
    Years ago we had to renew our Thai visa annually. Marvin would say, "I'm going to go get our visas." This usually took up an entire day, riding city buses, waiting for officials to finish lunch or conversations or whatever! Inevitably, when it was his turn, the immigration official asked for other documents he had not brought. Once he needed his diploma; another time he needed our marriage license. He would return home very frustrated.
     After several years of these experiences, he made a decision. He said, "Today I'm going to see about getting our visas renewed. I may not be successful, but I might!" When he returned he sometimes had the visas and sometimes not. His mood, however, improved drastically.
     Marvin later named this "Helsel's Law of Minimal Expectations." It is still functional in this house! I used it this week when I was trying to do business in another state, and was frustrated at almost every turn. It suddenly occurred to me to just relax and remember the Law of Minimal Expectations. I might get the money wired today or I might not. It was not life or death. The world would continue turning, and all would work out.
     Maintaining our joy means we must continually be aware of perspective. What is IMPORTANT after all?

TCK Parent

     Recently I shared a post that appeared on my Facebook regarding the issues of Third Culture Kids (TCKs). After reading it, I spent a bit of time thinking about how our missionary career affected our children. But today I'm thinking about a TCK parent/grandparent---me. Now my TCK daughter is leaving again to return to Asia, and I'm staying in the U.S.
     Oh, I know we have SKYPE, cell phones, texting and many ways to stay connected that were not available in the 70s and 80s. But the goodbyes never get easier. I've already shed some tears, with plenty more to come.
     This time I have spent over two months with my two oldest grandsons. I am so thankful for them and the ways they have let me into their lives. Yesterday the middle grandson said, "I hate it when adults cry."
     This time---again---they are all leaving Grandpa Marvin, who is in late stages of Huntington's Disease. The pain of that is palpable.
     I will cope, recover, and survive this parting too, but I don't have to like it. I have learned to return to joy from these difficult feelings, and I'm thankful. But I experience the tough stuff even more deeply in the process. I guess TCK parents are human beings too!