Recently I shared a post that appeared on my Facebook regarding the issues of Third Culture Kids (TCKs). After reading it, I spent a bit of time thinking about how our missionary career affected our children. But today I'm thinking about a TCK parent/grandparent---me. Now my TCK daughter is leaving again to return to Asia, and I'm staying in the U.S.
Oh, I know we have SKYPE, cell phones, texting and many ways to stay connected that were not available in the 70s and 80s. But the goodbyes never get easier. I've already shed some tears, with plenty more to come.
This time I have spent over two months with my two oldest grandsons. I am so thankful for them and the ways they have let me into their lives. Yesterday the middle grandson said, "I hate it when adults cry."
This time---again---they are all leaving Grandpa Marvin, who is in late stages of Huntington's Disease. The pain of that is palpable.
I will cope, recover, and survive this parting too, but I don't have to like it. I have learned to return to joy from these difficult feelings, and I'm thankful. But I experience the tough stuff even more deeply in the process. I guess TCK parents are human beings too!
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Something MORE!
I was raised in a church. I was taught to believe in God. I was read to from the Christian scriptures. I am thankful for my upbringing, but I have also had to search for something more. My Joy Search and Joy Journey has led me many places:
---forgiveness for people who didn't know what they were doing to themselves or to me
---understanding my own God-given emotions are also created in His image, so He understands me better than I understand myself
---listening to the truth and confronting the lies by which I have lived because of emotional pain
---becoming more connected to safe people
When I went to counseling and conferences, I took what I received and then added God and His Word to my new knowledge. I had no idea what I was doing, but it helped me tremendously.
With the Life Model Works and Joy Starts Here resources, I have understood that I needed some brain healing! Some of you knew that already...didn't you?
I am so thankful as I continue to learn, practice, and experience the amazing presence and comfort of Jesus in my life. He is helping me understand the complicated ways I act and react, as well as knowing that He fully gets me and delights in being with me all the time. I haven't always felt that way in my life.
I think it's possible to teach old dogs new tricks!
---forgiveness for people who didn't know what they were doing to themselves or to me
---understanding my own God-given emotions are also created in His image, so He understands me better than I understand myself
---listening to the truth and confronting the lies by which I have lived because of emotional pain
---becoming more connected to safe people
When I went to counseling and conferences, I took what I received and then added God and His Word to my new knowledge. I had no idea what I was doing, but it helped me tremendously.
With the Life Model Works and Joy Starts Here resources, I have understood that I needed some brain healing! Some of you knew that already...didn't you?
I am so thankful as I continue to learn, practice, and experience the amazing presence and comfort of Jesus in my life. He is helping me understand the complicated ways I act and react, as well as knowing that He fully gets me and delights in being with me all the time. I haven't always felt that way in my life.
I think it's possible to teach old dogs new tricks!
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Back to Joy
I have not written in my blog for some time...but I'm back. I'm not going to explain everything that's been happening, not even what happened this last week at an Annual Event for Life Model Works. But here's a snippet of a result of this event:
I got to bed about 12:30 a.m. and awoke at 6:30 a.m. I laid in bed a bit and thought:
---I am soooo thankful for my bed.
---When I sleep in hotel beds for 3 nights, I usually have backaches, but this morning I have no such thing.
A still small voice whispered to me:
---I am so glad you slept well.
---I am happy that you can have this bed.
---Isn't it great how My children share with each other when there is a need?
My bed was one of two hospital beds given to my parents when they went into assisted living---from a friend at their church. My mother passed away in 2006, and I have had hers ever since. I did not sleep in it much until I moved to Seattle.
This conversation continued about several other things, and even though I caught a cold, I am so excited about this day in a way I have not been for awhile!
I got to bed about 12:30 a.m. and awoke at 6:30 a.m. I laid in bed a bit and thought:
---I am soooo thankful for my bed.
---When I sleep in hotel beds for 3 nights, I usually have backaches, but this morning I have no such thing.
A still small voice whispered to me:
---I am so glad you slept well.
---I am happy that you can have this bed.
---Isn't it great how My children share with each other when there is a need?
My bed was one of two hospital beds given to my parents when they went into assisted living---from a friend at their church. My mother passed away in 2006, and I have had hers ever since. I did not sleep in it much until I moved to Seattle.
This conversation continued about several other things, and even though I caught a cold, I am so excited about this day in a way I have not been for awhile!
Friday, December 12, 2014
A Twist
The story of the Red Rider BB gun was not the first Christmas Story. The New Testament has several versions: Matthew's version tells the story of the birth of Jesus from the Joseph side of the story. It is the place we find Joseph struggling with a dilemma, and the angel of God assuring him of what he needed to do. Luke's version tells the story from Mary's experience, as well as the miracle for Zechariah and Elizabeth, who was Mary's cousin.
Sometimes we think that's the whole story, but the disciple, John, gave us a unique viewpoint. He did not talk about Mary, Joseph, shepherds or wise men. John saw a bigger picture. (John 1:1-18)
Here are some of the unique words and phrases John used:
LOGOS - the WORD...Jesus is the Word, the Creator, the Life-and Light-Giver, who shines in our darkness.
SARX - HUMAN...Jesus, the creator and sustainer of the universe, took on humanity, with it's limitations, trials, and testings. He made His home among us.
DOXA - GLORY...He is full of unfailing love and faithfulness, and we can see and share His GLORY.
We could spend many hours/days/years studying these words and never get to the end of their deepest meanings.
Then John drops these wonderful thoughts on us:
"From His abundance, we have all received one gracious blessing after another."
"The law was given through Moses, but God's unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ."
"No one has ever seen God, but His one and only (unique) Son, who is Himself God, is near to the Father's heart. He has revealed God to us."
That's Christmas.
Sometimes we think that's the whole story, but the disciple, John, gave us a unique viewpoint. He did not talk about Mary, Joseph, shepherds or wise men. John saw a bigger picture. (John 1:1-18)
Here are some of the unique words and phrases John used:
LOGOS - the WORD...Jesus is the Word, the Creator, the Life-and Light-Giver, who shines in our darkness.
SARX - HUMAN...Jesus, the creator and sustainer of the universe, took on humanity, with it's limitations, trials, and testings. He made His home among us.
DOXA - GLORY...He is full of unfailing love and faithfulness, and we can see and share His GLORY.
We could spend many hours/days/years studying these words and never get to the end of their deepest meanings.
Then John drops these wonderful thoughts on us:
"From His abundance, we have all received one gracious blessing after another."
"The law was given through Moses, but God's unfailing love and faithfulness came through Jesus Christ."
"No one has ever seen God, but His one and only (unique) Son, who is Himself God, is near to the Father's heart. He has revealed God to us."
That's Christmas.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Latest Travels
Months ago my son asked if I would be interested in coming out to Boston to stay with their two young children while he and Carolyn went to academic seminars in San Diego. Here's the logistics: one of them flies out to meetings on the Monday of the week, flies back home on Wednesday, and then leaves for San Diego Thursday morning. Grandma arrives in Boston on Thursday, the other parent flies out Friday morning early for San Diego. First parent returns on a red-eye Saturday night (arriving Sunday morning w/delicious bagels); other parent returns in the early evening. Whew...Not done yet---Grandma leaves to return home Monday afternoon/evening, arriving in Seattle about 10 pm.
It is safe to say that the adults in this story might be dragging today! (More stories from my travels next time!)
I loved activities with my grandchildren: Playing games like: "I'm Going on a Trip" and "Huckle Buckle Beanstalk," making Mad-libs on the computer, drawing, reading, and going out for Chinese food.
The weather was a bit difficult: 20 degrees upon my arrival, with bitter winds. Taking them to school and picking them up required me to layer clothing and cover my face. And still I'm gargling this morning for my sore throat!
I came away with several important lessons: I'm getting older and have less energy; my grandchildren think about things I never, ever thought of---perhaps even as an adult, much less as a child; imagination is priceless; and hugs from grandchildren (and their parents) feel sooooo good!
This Thanksgiving, no matter what difficulties we are facing, we can find many things for which to be grateful.
It is safe to say that the adults in this story might be dragging today! (More stories from my travels next time!)
I loved activities with my grandchildren: Playing games like: "I'm Going on a Trip" and "Huckle Buckle Beanstalk," making Mad-libs on the computer, drawing, reading, and going out for Chinese food.
The weather was a bit difficult: 20 degrees upon my arrival, with bitter winds. Taking them to school and picking them up required me to layer clothing and cover my face. And still I'm gargling this morning for my sore throat!
I came away with several important lessons: I'm getting older and have less energy; my grandchildren think about things I never, ever thought of---perhaps even as an adult, much less as a child; imagination is priceless; and hugs from grandchildren (and their parents) feel sooooo good!
This Thanksgiving, no matter what difficulties we are facing, we can find many things for which to be grateful.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Sad and Glad
Tonight may be the last night of her long life. She is resting peacefully with three of her nine children gathered by her bed. Her daughters showed me family pictures on the wall. She was and still is a beautiful woman. Her family is grieving and waiting --- and they know the time is close.
As I got into my car to leave the nursing home, I switched on a CD where I had left off my listening. I received it in the mail today. The song where I started was "You Raise Me Up," followed by "I'll Fly Away." Other songs about heaven followed.
Then "My Jesus, I Love Thee" started playing. I was already crying, but I almost had to pull over. This is the song Marvin and I sang to each other at our wedding in 1971. "In mansions of glory and endless delight, I'll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright. I'll sing with the glittering crown on my brow, 'If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now."
Joy and sorrow mingle together to make a more brilliant pattern, a deeper masterpiece. There are no easy paths through this labyrinth of death, but we can support each other every step of the way.
"Comfort one another with the comfort you have received."
As I got into my car to leave the nursing home, I switched on a CD where I had left off my listening. I received it in the mail today. The song where I started was "You Raise Me Up," followed by "I'll Fly Away." Other songs about heaven followed.
Then "My Jesus, I Love Thee" started playing. I was already crying, but I almost had to pull over. This is the song Marvin and I sang to each other at our wedding in 1971. "In mansions of glory and endless delight, I'll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright. I'll sing with the glittering crown on my brow, 'If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, 'tis now."
Joy and sorrow mingle together to make a more brilliant pattern, a deeper masterpiece. There are no easy paths through this labyrinth of death, but we can support each other every step of the way.
"Comfort one another with the comfort you have received."
Friday, September 26, 2014
Grief Connected
I don't know what else to call this feeling of grief.
Today my father-in-law will be saying goodbye to his eldest son, my husband...probably for the last time. Grandpa is moving across the country to live with his granddaughter and be close to his daughter.
I was surprised these last two days to experience this flood of emotions. As I wrote about it, I realized it's about a father and son never seeing each other again in this life...but also about the fact that we are ALL going to say goodbye to Marvin Jr. and none of us knows when that will be. It's about grief connecting with grief.
Sometimes I try very hard to avoid grief, but in the past few years, it sneaks up on me, and pours out at the most inopportune moments. People don't know what to do or say if I start weeping. I can't help it. I am able to exert self-control over grief IF I have been faithful to grieve sufficiently when I am alone. Otherwise, it's like a full cup of water that is added to and overflows.
Most people do anything to avoid crying, and to avoid other people who are crying. Crying is so important to our mental and physical health.
What have you felt like weeping about recently?
Today my father-in-law will be saying goodbye to his eldest son, my husband...probably for the last time. Grandpa is moving across the country to live with his granddaughter and be close to his daughter.
I was surprised these last two days to experience this flood of emotions. As I wrote about it, I realized it's about a father and son never seeing each other again in this life...but also about the fact that we are ALL going to say goodbye to Marvin Jr. and none of us knows when that will be. It's about grief connecting with grief.
Sometimes I try very hard to avoid grief, but in the past few years, it sneaks up on me, and pours out at the most inopportune moments. People don't know what to do or say if I start weeping. I can't help it. I am able to exert self-control over grief IF I have been faithful to grieve sufficiently when I am alone. Otherwise, it's like a full cup of water that is added to and overflows.
Most people do anything to avoid crying, and to avoid other people who are crying. Crying is so important to our mental and physical health.
What have you felt like weeping about recently?
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