Pay-back

     I was raised a Co-dependent, subtly of course. I mean, who would say it out loud: "You are here to make me feel better about myself." And because I had a few attachment issues, I was not able to really know myself very well until later in my life. I did not have the ability to rush out and do things on my own; I was dependent on others for my own sense of worth. And then I went to a Co-Dependent's Anonymous meeting for the first time.
      That first day a woman said, "I have a sign on my refrigerator that says, 'Don't should on yourself.'" I wrote that down. I wish I could say I immediately stopped shoulding on myself and others. It takes practice to make that kind of change.
      I used to laugh at the saying, "God loves you and I have a wonderful plan for your life." But I must admit I was like that, thinking I knew what God wanted for other people, when I honestly wasn't quite sure about myself!
      I don't think I should on myself as much, though I still do it to others sometimes...and hate it that I do! Because I know what I feel like when others should on me.
      Other people know how I should feel about things that are happening in my life. Other folks know how I should react to my present reality.
      It has been a good, humbling, difficult experience to be on this end of codependent craziness. I apologize to everyone I have ever shoulded on!