2019-2020 Trip 1st installment: Children

     The 7 year old leaned over his mother's middle seat while she was gone to the restroom: "Hi, what's your name?" "Karen," I replied, "What's yours?" "Abhi," he said. He turned back to his movie for a moment and then leaned over again and said, "I think we are going to be good friends."
     We were together on the 13 1/2 hour flight from Singapore to Seattle. Abhi had slept well for a couple hours and was now on his second wind. 
     He asked his mother to get him some snacks, which she did, bringing some  for him to share with his sister. He laid them out on his tray table, and leaned over his mother, now seated. "Hey, Karen, would you like a snack?" I said, "I'm not hungry right now." He asked, "If you were hungry, which of these would you like?" I looked at the options and pointed one out. He put it aside...and for the next hour or so, would glance over every 15 minutes and hold up the snack, offering it. I finally ate it.
     After his sister, Angelee, 9, woke up from her nap, Abhi changed seats with her and was across the aisle with his father. Angelee and I had a conversation---
I noticed she had freshly painted fingernail polish on beautiful hands. I said to her, "You have really pretty hands and long fingers. Do you play the piano?" Her face lit up and she said, "Yes, and my mommy plays the drums, Abhi plays the guitar and my father plays the keyboard and guitar. We all play in the worship band at our church." Then she said, "No one has ever told me I have long fingers!" We talked about music for a bit, and then Angelee said, "I really want to be a doctor when I grow up, or …" and she listed several other options. "I just don't know yet!" 
    I spoke to Angelee's mom: "Does that mean you are Christians?"  "Yes," was her reply. They are from a land that is predominantly Hindu. They have lived in the U.S. for 12 years. We spoke for awhile about the scripture, about Jesus, and other issues. We even spoke about women in church leadership. We didn't agree on some topics, but we enjoyed the exchange. 
     Before we landed, she gave me her contact information, because they come to Seattle periodically and I go to Portland from time to time.
     New friends...I think Abhi was right: we're going to be good friends.

Power of Names

      I saw the stroller when I entered the locker room at the YMCA. I thought: "Oh, someone's brought their baby swimming!" 
      A bit early for my arthritis class, I watched the little ones finish up their "swimming lessons." More like "water lessons." Mom was holding the little brother, introducing him to the pool. After lessons, older brother joined them. Fast forward.
      As I came around the corner to get my stuff out of the locker, I saw an interesting sight:  Mom had created a little "corral" out of the stools that dot the locker room. Both little boys were inside the corral, the oldest munching on a cookie.
      As I dressed, I could overhear the conversation...and I was surprised to hear her call the older brother, "Calvin." I went back to the locker for my shoes, and I said, "Did I hear your mom say your name is Calvin?"  "Yep," the child replied. I said, "My children loved a comic book character with that name--Calvin and Hobbs." Mom chimed in: "Yes, he's named for that character."
      Ahhh...some things made more sense: the corral, the repeated prompts the mother gave Calvin to finish getting dressed, pay attention, sit down and put your shoes on, etc. Calvin was a busy, easily distracted, little red-headed boy with a buoyant personality! As I put my shoes and jacket on, he popped his head around the corner to check me out.
      He was a smart child, I could tell, and he would be giving his mom a run for her money. I wonder how much influence his name had on his parents...what would it one day hold for him? 
      Wait a minute...what do you call yourself? Are old nicknames stuck to your personality like glue? Check out what God calls us: His dearly loved children; His treasure, and more. 
       

NEW DAYS

     This morning I have been thinking about my JOY Bank. That is the part of me where I store all of those amazing things that can bring me JOY almost instantaneously. It's usually just a written word, a picture representing some-thing, an idea, a memory, a voice. You get the idea. 
      The reason for a JOY Bank is that some days experiences, people, or crises, can suck the JOY right out of you before you know it. In order to stay connected, we must have some reserves to access JOY STRENGTH.
      This weekend I experienced some struggles in that area. I find I need to guard my time, my mind, and my heart better. If I participate in activities that sap me without the off-setting JOY STRENGTH, it takes much more time to recover.
      When I feel this way, I can also see my reflection in the mirror: I too, can sap people's JOY if I am not self-aware, listening well, and able to connect in JOY. I've done that this past week too. Then I have to do some relationship repairs if it's possible.
      Thankfully I remember: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord."
      It's a new MONDAY. Thank goodness!

FEELING STUCK?

      My car was listed on the RECALL list for front airbag replacement. I made an appointment at a local Toyota dealership and showed up at the appointed time and place. 

      The dealership has a new building that feels like a self-sustaining city. It's huge, with lots of open space, windows, computer stations, coffee and tea, vending machines, and LOTS OF PEOPLE: employees, technicians, janitors, and customers.

      After "registering," I sat down in the lobby to wait. I brought a book, some writing materials, but mostly enjoyed people-watching. There were people from many ethnic backgrounds, speaking languages I could not understand, young parents entertaining little ones, middle aged and older folks looking at their phones, watching the news, or talking with others. It was a very busy place.

      I moved around a bit, trying to exercise my post-op sore leg and knee. As I sat for awhile at a little round table near the show-room, I watched folks come in to look at cars, while others sat at desks and signed papers for their new cars. 

      Slowly I became aware of movement to my left, behind me a bit. It was like pounding or slapping of some kind of hard surface. What was to my left was a new SUV. I had seen a person checking out the interior, seated in the front. As I looked closer, I saw through the tinted window, the form of a woman, hitting the back door glass. It seemed strange to me.  

       I walked over to the front door of the car where the window was DOWN. I stuck my head in and said to a middle aged Asian woman: "Do you need help?" She replied, "Yes, I trying to get husband's attention. Door is locked and won't open."

       Her husband was seated by the lobby window reading. He saw her hitting the car window, but thought she was just calling attention to the SUV and did not get up to check. I opened the door and she sheepishly got out. Her husband said, "Oh, it had child-locks on it, right?" 

       As I walked back around to my chair, I wondered---Why didn't she stick her head through the space between the front seats and YELL loudly. As I said, the front windows were OPEN!

       I guess we all struggle sometimes to see a WAY OUT of our present difficult situation, don't we? We may be able to figure something out, or we might just need a helping hand!  

March 4 was Three Months

    Recently I got a call from a Hospice social worker, just to check on me, she said. She told me that one of the difficult points in grief work is about the third month after the loss. I did not know that. 

    As she expressed her concern for me, I wept. I am easily touched when people recognize how tough it is at the moment. I was surprised at my visceral response.

    I know I am still in grief. Even today as I listened to Pandora instrumental Christian music, I was suddenly weeping. 

    The song, "He Giveth More Grace" came on---a song Marvin and I sang so many times. We did a LOT of singing together: "Broken and Spilled Out," Andre Crouch songs, quartets and choir songs...so much music. 

    I realize I have sections in my life: books we've read; music we loved; jokes and funny stories we treasured; trips we've taken overseas and in the U.S. These must all be acknowledged in some way or other and grieved. 

    It will likely take the rest of my life to work through all of the losses connected with losing Marvin. That does not mean I will be incapacited by my tears and pain every day. It means I'm paying attention; I'm remembering what was important in our lives. 

    And I am especially hearing and feeling the deep love and comfort of God through the journey. For that I give praise.

Returning to JOY

   

    One of the 19 Relationship Skills taught by Chris and Jen Coursey and Kitty Wilder is "returning to JOY from the big 6 emotions." One of those emotions is sadness. In the week-long training last summer, I was a bit confused about what that meant.

        Kitty explained that it is about a loss of something. I had a hard time distinguishing between sadness and grief. They seemed so connected, and how in the world did I return to JOY quickly from grief? I asked that question, and the answer was about intensity...sadness is more about
disappointment of expectations. Grief is like an attachment pain; we've somehow been torn apart.

        This morning I understood again about returning to JOY from sadness. 

        Last night I was knitting and saw some flashing lights in the cul-de-sac. At first I wondered if it was an EMT truck to help my neighbor. I texted her, and she informed me that the city was plowing the cul-de-sac. I was so excited.

        This morning after sitting with my journal and Jesus, I went to open the garage door, excited to see the street in front of my home plowed. I don't live on the cul-de-sac, and our street was not plowed. My shoulders slumped, and I thought, "Oh bummer." 

        But I quickly returned to "oh well, they are doing the best they can do---they're dealing with downed trees and a zillion other things. They will get to our street!"

        The 19 Relationship Skills must be practiced if we are going to be able to recover our JOY quickly and let go of temporary setbacks. It doesn't mean we ignore our feelings. It means we can avoid allowing our feelings to destroy our peace.

        How are you doing with JOY today?

His PRESENCE

     This has been one of those weeks where memories were good, but painful nonetheless. This morning I journaled about most of it, and then picked up my Bible. I'm reading through the Psalms to allow myself to join the Psalmist's feelings, and here's what I read today and how I wrote it out:

Psalm 98 ---- NOISY!

Sing         to the Lord            a new song
                            He's marvelous
                            He's powerful
                            He saves
                            He shows righteousness
                            He remembers His love and faithfulness
                            Everywhere in the world He shows Himself

Shout       for JOY
Burst        into JUBILANT song
Make        MUSIC

Let the sea, the world, and all in habitants RESOUND (which means to fill a  
               place with song and be loud enough to echo)   
Let rivers CLAP THEIR HANDS
Let mountains SING FOR JOY

He comes to judge with righteousness, justice, fairness

This made me smile. Will you join me in making some NOISE today?